SoloMAMAzing

Category: SoloMAMAzing Basics

  • Finding the Bright Side

    I’m not sure that anyone plans on being a single parent. Unfortunately, in our culture today, its too common. I’m thinking it would not be a bad idea to have a conversation, or at least leave a thought, for young adults before marriage, before pregnancy… that hey, life doesn’t always go as we hope..you should consider having a back up plan and prepare for a worse-case scenario. Having a daughter going through future planning right now, believe me, I know this is not a conversation she wants to hear. I don’t think I would have listened at her age either.

    The point is, I didn’t plan on being single. How many of us do? For a long time, I dealt with a lot of crazy emotions like anger, depression, guilt and more. Sometimes, some of these issues come up again during different seasons and circumstances. Like when I’m questioning myself as a parent..and wondering what in the world am I doing and why on earth did God entrust these kids to me?? Then, when I come up for air, I remind myself God chose me to parent my kids specifically for some reason that only He knows and He knew about my single status and my parenting techniques. This is something I have to convince myself that I believe from time to time.

    I have learned that through some of the loneliness and depression that comes, it’s easier to get through it if you are able to find the bright side, or the positives of being single. For me the positives include that I can go wherever, do whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about checking in with the other half. I can cook what I want. I can wear what I want. I can spend my money however I want. I don’t have to share my money with the other half.  I can shave my legs as often as I feel like. I don’t worry about where he is, what he’s doing, or who he’s doing it with..I don’t feel responsible for his actions any longer. I only have to deal with him every once in a while.

    Some women I’ve noticed go through the single phase very quickly and are out dating shortly after becoming single. I chose not to for a long time..actually didn’t get on dating apps for over 10 years of being single. I chose not, partly because of bad experiences I had as a kid with my mom dating (sorry mom). But also, partly because I just was not ready, it took me a long time to process and deal with the feelings I had after my marriage ended.  It also took me a while to just enjoy all the freedom.

    I hope you are able to find your positives, your bright side. And just take time to enjoy it!

    Thanks for reading!

  • What’s most important now

    I was in the middle of yelling at the kids for not doing enough chores, or well enough, and I just started having questions come to mind. Does this really have to be done now? Why is this so important that I am stressed and yelling at the kids? Why do I let myself get this stressed?

    We all like for the house to be cleaned, the yard to be mowed, laundry folded and put away, children cleaned and on best behavior, and a nice healthy dinner on the table. But sometimes you have to pick and choose which of those items are best for the moment..and that’s whether you are single or not. The truth is that there just isn’t enough time and I don’t have enough energy to get everything done in a day.

    What I have learned.. what I am learning still..is that it’s ok if the mundane, routine checklist doesn’t get marked off as you like all the time. It’s really not worth stressing about. Figure out what is really important for you and work on the important things. Not stressing over dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, that just isn’t real important. I mean important stuff like dinner with your kids, meeting the deadlines and goals with purpose, checking oil in the car.

    I really love just using pen and paper. Actually wish I could write this blog with pen and paper! I write lists all the time. I like to sit in the morning and think about everything going on and figure out what I need to get done that day. I also list projects that I need to start working on later in the week or next week. Using lists it’s easy to get a plan in place and figure out what really needs to be done today and what can be pushed off if I run outta daylight.

    Planning can help you stress less. Less stress for better moods and better times with your family. Don’t sweat the small stuff, the stuff that really doesn’t matter.

    Thanks for reading ❤️

  • Foundations of Life

    As my first post, I feel there are some of my basic life lessons I should go over for the foundation of this blog. First, I want you to know that I consider myself an introvert. Some information I expect to share with you is completely outside of my comfort zone. But here we go 🤞🙏.

    I always consider that my basic foundation for life is completely relying on Christ. Yes, I am a Christian. But I don’t really consider myself a traditional Christian.

    I was divorced around 2012. No, I don’t know the exact date. I could go look it up, but it seems like a waste of time. At the time of my divorce, I had 3 kids under the age of 5.

    I was raised in church, so my life started with a religious background. During my late teenage years I turned away from Church and God and family. After my oldest was born, I decided I wanted to raise my kids in church, like I was.

    By the time my oldest was born, less than 2 years in, my marriage was already on the rocks. Since returning to church, God, and my family I quickly realized how much I needed all of these in my life. I have learned how exhausting and depressing it can be to carry all your life burdens on your own.

    I learned that when I wake up a little before everyone else and start my day with a cup of coffee and quite time alone with God my day started better than days that I didn’t do this.

    I learned to write my prayers in a notebook because it was easier for me to focus on what I needed to get out. I learned that when I wrote my prayers about all my problems, stresses, future hopes I carried less burden on my shoulders and was able just to trust God that he would work it all out. And He always works it out, usually in ways I don’t expect.

    I’ve learned to pray..usually silently in my mind..all throughout the day about everything. I pray as my kids walk out the door for their protection. I pray for God to fight my battles on my way to pick kids up from a difficult Ex. I pray when I try different recipes that the kids will like it. I pray through the storms that we stay safe through the night. All circumstances we face I know that nothing happens with our God allowing it. If He allows it, He has a plan in it.

    Trusting in God is the basic foundation for all of life.