SoloMAMAzing

Tag: parenting

  • Finding the Bright Side

    I’m not sure that anyone plans on being a single parent. Unfortunately, in our culture today, its too common. I’m thinking it would not be a bad idea to have a conversation, or at least leave a thought, for young adults before marriage, before pregnancy… that hey, life doesn’t always go as we hope..you should consider having a back up plan and prepare for a worse-case scenario. Having a daughter going through future planning right now, believe me, I know this is not a conversation she wants to hear. I don’t think I would have listened at her age either.

    The point is, I didn’t plan on being single. How many of us do? For a long time, I dealt with a lot of crazy emotions like anger, depression, guilt and more. Sometimes, some of these issues come up again during different seasons and circumstances. Like when I’m questioning myself as a parent..and wondering what in the world am I doing and why on earth did God entrust these kids to me?? Then, when I come up for air, I remind myself God chose me to parent my kids specifically for some reason that only He knows and He knew about my single status and my parenting techniques. This is something I have to convince myself that I believe from time to time.

    I have learned that through some of the loneliness and depression that comes, it’s easier to get through it if you are able to find the bright side, or the positives of being single. For me the positives include that I can go wherever, do whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about checking in with the other half. I can cook what I want. I can wear what I want. I can spend my money however I want. I don’t have to share my money with the other half.  I can shave my legs as often as I feel like. I don’t worry about where he is, what he’s doing, or who he’s doing it with..I don’t feel responsible for his actions any longer. I only have to deal with him every once in a while.

    Some women I’ve noticed go through the single phase very quickly and are out dating shortly after becoming single. I chose not to for a long time..actually didn’t get on dating apps for over 10 years of being single. I chose not, partly because of bad experiences I had as a kid with my mom dating (sorry mom). But also, partly because I just was not ready, it took me a long time to process and deal with the feelings I had after my marriage ended.  It also took me a while to just enjoy all the freedom.

    I hope you are able to find your positives, your bright side. And just take time to enjoy it!

    Thanks for reading!

  • What’s most important now

    I was in the middle of yelling at the kids for not doing enough chores, or well enough, and I just started having questions come to mind. Does this really have to be done now? Why is this so important that I am stressed and yelling at the kids? Why do I let myself get this stressed?

    We all like for the house to be cleaned, the yard to be mowed, laundry folded and put away, children cleaned and on best behavior, and a nice healthy dinner on the table. But sometimes you have to pick and choose which of those items are best for the moment..and that’s whether you are single or not. The truth is that there just isn’t enough time and I don’t have enough energy to get everything done in a day.

    What I have learned.. what I am learning still..is that it’s ok if the mundane, routine checklist doesn’t get marked off as you like all the time. It’s really not worth stressing about. Figure out what is really important for you and work on the important things. Not stressing over dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, that just isn’t real important. I mean important stuff like dinner with your kids, meeting the deadlines and goals with purpose, checking oil in the car.

    I really love just using pen and paper. Actually wish I could write this blog with pen and paper! I write lists all the time. I like to sit in the morning and think about everything going on and figure out what I need to get done that day. I also list projects that I need to start working on later in the week or next week. Using lists it’s easy to get a plan in place and figure out what really needs to be done today and what can be pushed off if I run outta daylight.

    Planning can help you stress less. Less stress for better moods and better times with your family. Don’t sweat the small stuff, the stuff that really doesn’t matter.

    Thanks for reading ❤️